http://www.lifesfair.com/index.cfm Positive Quotes from Television and Commercials Compiled by LifesFair.com Sat, 26 Jan 2013 16:10:55 GMT I've never seen a black goldfish before. - Diff’rent Strokes I'd better send for the limousine. Mother gets very impatient if she's kept waiting. I was born 3 days late. She didn't speak to me for a year. - Diff’rent Strokes Need a little excitement? Snap into a Slim Jim! - Slim Jim Light Bulb (Commercial) I shop, therefore I am. - Family Ties (1982) Of all the Basic Applied Economic Principles of Capitalism in the Post-Industrial Era Seminars in the world, you had to walk into mine. - Family Ties (1982) Mom, I need to reevaluate my life. Do you have a minute? - Family Ties (1982) And remember, this fix is only temporary, unless it works. - The Red Green Show (1991) If women don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy. - The Red Green Show (1991) I meant to procrastinate today, but I never got around to it. - The Red Green Show (1991) You may be quick on your feet, but you can't outrun even the smallest explosion. - The Red Green Show (1991) Empty your mind... be formless, shapeless... like water. Now you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup; put it into a teapot it becomes the teapot... be water my friend. - Longstreet (1971) Don't make a plan of fighting; that is a very good way to lose your teeth... - Longstreet (1971) Insurance? He's got money coming out of the Whazoo! - E*Trade - Money Out Whazoo (Commercial) Patty! Call the doctor; it's been more than 4 hours... - Jack in the Box - Jack Visits (Commercial) Actor Christian Slater was let out of prison for one night to attend the premiere of his new movie Hard Rain. Fifteen minutes into the film, Mr. Slater asked to be escorted back to prison. - Saturday Night Live So when it comes time to fix that refrigerator magnet or put together a little house of popsicle sticks, you don't want some cheap synthetic glue. You want pure mutilated horse paste. - Saturday Night Live The Rolling Stones reunited for a twenty-fifth anniversary tour last week. Keith Richards said that he's happy to continue to do what he's been doing for the past twenty-five years: cheating death. - Saturday Night Live I'm gonna be around for a long time. On the job, making the tough decisions 24/7. That's 24 hours a week, 7 months a year. - Saturday Night Live This is the most effective memory enhancement drug on the market. It'll improve your short-term memory. It'll improve your long-term memory. And most of all, it'll improve your short-term memory. - Saturday Night Live I think I just coughed up my nards. No, wait, it could be grapes. No, it is my nards. - Saturday Night Live Julia Roberts said that the turning point in their marriage was when she realized that she was Julia Roberts and that she was married to Lyle Lovett. - Saturday Night Live There was a time where I would have condemned this ratings system as censorship. But I have children. Two adorable boys. And frankly, I don't want them watching this crap. - Saturday Night Live Wayne's World. Wayne's World. Party time. Excellent. - Saturday Night Live Get out of here before I love you too much... GET OUT. - Saturday Night Live Now, I think the deficit is like a crazy old aunt that lives in the cellar: everybody knows she's down there, but nobody wants to talk about her. Well, I say bring her on up and give the bitch a good hosing. - Saturday Night Live Good evening. I'm Chevy Chase, and you're not. - Saturday Night Live In health news, scientists have announced the invention of a women's condom. The condom works by fitting snugly over a woman's wine glass. - Saturday Night Live That's my story, and I'm sticking to it. - Saturday Night Live Lighten up, Church Lady. You act like you haven't had your ticket punched since Ike carried his own golf clubs. - Saturday Night Live So, Anne; you call yourself 'bisexual'. I guess that means that when you reach your little hand down the front of someone's pants, you're happy with whate-e-ver you find. - Saturday Night Live By the way, don't forget the sunscreen. I had a mole looked at the other day and the doctor said that based on the size and shape of the edges, I am flirting with that melanoma thing. - Saturday Night Live ...because I'm good enough, smart enough, and - doggone it - people like me! - Saturday Night Live Man, I can dig tropical, but this is out of bounds. - Miami Vice That's TUBBS: Tough, Unique, Bad, Bodacious, Sassy. - Miami Vice What did you do, trade in your conscience when you passed the bar? - Miami Vice First a junkie, now a hooker. I think I've been in the business too long, I'm starting to fall for the players. - Miami Vice You know what they say about architecture, it's like frozen music. - Miami Vice This is America, you need to be in debt, only way banks can get money back. - Miami Vice You just got to learn to go with the heat, Rico. It's just like life. You just gotta keep telling yourself, no matter how hot it gets, sooner or later there's a cool breeze coming in. - Miami Vice I get these occasional urges for stability in my life. - Miami Vice